I'm Back!!!

I've actually been keeping up with everyone's blogs for the past two weeks. Except that anything I read the first few days I had to re-read because of all the meds I couldn't remember what I had read. I can't type for more than a couple minutes before I'm hurting. So this post might take all day to write, a little at a time.

Isn't my husband awesome?! I loved reading (and re-reading) all his posts. They were just like him. A mix of serious and humor. I actually think he enjoyed it but probably wouldn't admit it.

I am so incredably thankful that my valve was repaired. The agony of choosing a replacment option was truly awful and I'm so thankful we didn't even have to go there. I really do thank God every day for the repair. And the surgeon said it's a great repair despite running into a lot of scar tissue from my first surgery. I'm on Coumadin (blood thinner) for 3 months and having to get my levels checked about 3 times a week. It's rough. I feel like a pincushion. And now my veins have literally gone into hiding. The ones on my arm are hiding and rolling, the ones on the backs of my hands are deflating. I'm running out of good veins. I'm so tired of the needles but honestly it's become so routine that they don't hurt too much. I will be thankful when needles hurt again because that means I'm far enough from recovery that it's not routine.

My pain varies from bad to awful. OK, I do have a few hours now and then that are pretty good. Plus, I have been able to sleep at night and that's good. I have to sleep in a recliner because the few times I tried to sleep flat I woke up in very bad pain. I hate starting my day with a couple Oxycodone. Most of my pain is from a muscle on the right side of my chest that was apparently severely pulled during the sternum spreading. It's even painful to the touch.

I have a few new scars. I obviously already had the one down my chest and so they went in right on top of that one and you can barely tell the difference. I now have about a 4 inch scar on my leg that crosses my pantie line where they had to go in with the heart-lung machine. It's awful looking. It's not painful anymore but I swear I was cut and stitched by a high school student. You'd think with a 10 inch scar down my chest that the 4 inch one wouldn't but me but it does. Then I have a tiny scar on my neck from various tubes, including the other end of the heart-lung machine. There is no way anyone could have ever prepared me for how hard recovery would be. No one could have told me unless they'd been here themselves. Not their dad or aunt had the surgery, but them. That is the only way anyone could relate. Yet, at the same time I know that 6 months from now this will be a thing of the past. I will be healed, off meds, pain free, able to lift my children, and this will just be a horrible memory. In that sense I am incredibly blessed.

We did get the kids back after them being gone for 3 weeks. Thankfully for almost all of those 3 weeks I didn't mind them being gone. I just wasn't "with it" enough to miss them to much. Now that they are back I'm so thankful. I think it's great for my emotional well-being even though it's now harder on my physically. My mom and sister are a big help when TVB is at work but I still find myself trying to do more with the kids. My sweet girl is walking all over the place. She's not too steady but getting around. She started blowing kisses yesterday and she just melts my heart. I can hold her when I'm sitting but can't lift her and that's tough. My son has been amazingly gentle with me. I'm shocked by how sensitive he has been to the situation. He's still a little boy and forgets sometimes but overall is gentle with me. And that's a big deal because he's a miniature tornado. I was worried about him hurting me but I think I'll be OK. Again, it's hard to not pick him up and hold and wrestle with him but we do get to snuggle lots on the couch.

I just can't fully tell you how much your prayers and comments have meant to me. Many of you have posted about me asking for prayer and I have been so touched by the outpouring of love from you all. To think that I started blogging just for fun and it has turned into so much more. A community of prayer warriors who have been there for me when I needed you. A hundred Thanks to you all.